To gift or not to gift

As a little girl, I loved gifts!  Well…who doesn’t? Gifts were the highlight of birthdays, Hanukkah, graduation, etc.  I vividly remember when I was about 8 years old and I was bitten/scratched by a big dog.  It tore my eyelid (I could see the slit in the mirror) and left a big bloody scratch next to my ear.  I had surgery that day, an amazing plastic surgeon worked his magic, stitched my eyelid inside and out, and across the side of my face.  I got very lucky, it was December 26^th, nobody works that week in Cali (Colombia).  The point of the story is that in the following weeks, while my eye was still black, swollen and completely shut, people wanted to visit me.  The condition was that they had to bring me a gift, they were told that over the phone (a bit too direct…oh well, I was 8).  So I got a bunch of great stuff, I loved it!!  It made everything better.

Fast forward to my high school graduation, I remember some of my friends were getting necklaces and earrings from their parents.  All I wanted was for my university to be paid for, I was not interested in any jewelry, perhaps in part because I didn’t care much about jewelry at the time (I always considered myself to be a tomboy).  So that was my graduation gift, the best gift ever, a college education.

With time, I became less and less interested in the “typical” gifts, and became more practical in life.  So I started liking useful and thoughtful gifts, and not necessarily in specific occasions.  One Valentine’s Day, I got a jump rope from my husband (ex now), zero romantic, but until this day I jump rope as part of my workout, all thanks to that non-romantic Valentine’s gift.

Then I had kids, and my opinion towards gifts changed even more.  I saw all the birthday gifts they received, most were forgotten, put aside or broke after 2 days, and only a handful were good, long-lasting, entertaining or educational gifts.  Then there was Hanukkah (my kids are being raised Jewish) and Christmas (my ex is Catholic so the kids also got some Christmas gifts, although not in the same magnitude as most of their Catholic friends).  That was insane, so many gifts, more than they knew what to do with. Then add the stuff we buy when we go shopping, the gifts from grandparents, and so on.  It all got me thinking…

In my case, I got to the realization that I like receiving thoughtful gifts, nothing fancy, just thoughtful; and I don’t necessarily expect gifts anymore, not even on my birthday.  Luckily, I can buy myself what I want, so anything I get is a bonus!  But let’s go back to the kids.  It got me thinking about how we’re spoiling our children, how they’re losing perspective on the value of things, on rewards, on hard work.  So when my son was turning 4, I decided (and my husband supported me) that we were going to have a birthday party for him, but that all, and I mean ALL the gifts would be donated to underprivileged kids.  We explained it to him in the best possible way.  He didn’t seem to mind.  We sent out the invitation, explaining our plan and asking people to bring unwrapped toys and books for kids of all ages.  The party was incredible, there were about 30 kids, a big bounce house, games, food, cake, etc.  Some people brought 2 and 3 gifts to be donated.  We had close to 50 gifts, which were stored in the guestroom.  It was November and we were waiting until December to give them away as part of a Christmas party at a shelter for Haitian immigrants.  For weeks my kids would go in the room and look at the gifts, but it was never an issue, they knew those were the gifts that we were giving the “poor” children.  December came around and we went to the Christmas party to hand them out.  It was incredible to see that from the birthday party of one boy, 50 kids got Christmas gifts.  We kept doing that for 6 years, until we stopped having big birthday parties.  As my kids got older, they started to appreciate and value this great deed even more.  You could tell just by looking at their faces that they were happy knowing that they could help bring joy to someone else.  One time my son told me “it makes me so happy to see all these boys and girls getting gifts.  It’s totally worth it.”  What can I say…it’s priceless!!

Over the years a few parents told me that I was depriving my kids from their birthday gifts.  I can just say that they have learned an invaluable lesson.  I consider it essential to show our kids (with actions) what it means to have social responsibility, and that they can do their part as well.

Our children don’t need any more toys, instead, they need to realize how lucky and privileged they are.  As parents, as adults, I feel we need to do our part in raising children who are aware of the world around them, of the inequality.  We need to raise sensitive, generous kids.  It is our responsibility.